Samsara
by Chuckman
Summary: Shinji's music player breaks, leading to a musical, magical journey of self discovery, personal growth, and teaching Pen Pen how to drive.
1. Shinji makes a wish

The following incorporates characters, situations and settings which are derived from the copyrighted works of Studio Gainax/Khara. This story was inspired in part by Harold Ramis and Trevor Albert.

* * *

><p><em>Now you always say<em>

_That you want to be free_

* * *

><p><strong>ZERO<strong>

Shinji Ikari woke up to the terrible realization that his S-Dat was broken. His alarm clock beeped incessantly and he batted at it, failing to turn it off and instead hitting the radio, which he never used. Since he never used it, it was tuned to a station he never listened to, and, naturally, turned all the way up.

_Ti-i-i-ime is on _my_ side, yes it is!_

"Turn that shit off!" Asuka screamed from across the hall, where she lay in her own bedroom.

Shinji sighed and turned the alarm off. He closed his eyes and let himself start to drift to sleep again. After all, there was no school today. Even Misato was off from NERV. Sleep almost reached him, pressing at his eyes and the back of his throat like a taste he couldn't quite recall, and his limbs started to sink into the thin cushion of his futon in relaxation.

"Well," Asuka demanded from outside his door, "you woke me up. Get your bony ass out here and cook me some breakfast."

Slowly, he sat up, shrugged on an old t-shirt, and walked out into the apartment. Asuka sat at the kitchen table, her head propped on one hand, fiddling with the crossword puzzle in the paper. She rested the eraser of her pencil against her lower lip, pulling it away from her pearly white teeth for a moment, brow furrowed in concentration. Shinji paused for a moment to look at her.

He was of two minds about his roommate. For one thing, she was _beautiful_, the way that Misato was beautiful, but even more so. There were other girls in his class he looked at now and again (never speaking to them, of course) but they were _pretty_ or _hot_ where she was something different entirely. It was hard to describe, a sort of cumulative effect. Even sitting at the table in a loose fitting yellow t-shirt and cutoffs, her hair a frizzy mess, she seemed to glow. Every detail about her fascinated him, even the dimples above her collarbone, which is what he was staring at when she noticed him.

"Get your eyeballs off me, pervert," she snapped. "Food. Now."

He was of two minds about her for a reason.

Saying nothing, he sighed and pulled out the loaf of bread, hunting for the toaster which for some reason Misato had unplugged and turned upside down. When he held it up he came to the startling realization that she'd _washed_ it. In the sink. With soap.

"Ummm," he said.

"What is it now?"

"I think Misato broke the toaster,"

Asuka sighed. "Whatever. Just fry me some eggs."

He opened the refrigerator.

"Wark!"

He closed the refrigerator. He opened the other refrigerator.

"No eggs," he sighed.

She eyed him dangerously. "Then go _get_ some."

He looked at her for a moment, but she already turned back to her puzzle and was studiously ignoring him, tapping her bare foot against the floor. Her legs were… Eggs. Right.

He stopped in his room, stepped into a pair of sweat pants, and strode out of the apartment in flip flops, some yen and his Nerv ID stuffed in his pockets. As soon as he stepped onto the sidewalk he regretted his choice of attire. It was blisteringly hot. Above, a dense patchwork of clouds rested on Tokyo-3 like a lid on a pot, fuzzing the sun into a great milky white plate. With no eggs on it.

The walk to the store was unpleasant. By the time he reached it, a trickle of sweat slid down his chest and his shirt clung to his back and sides. He brushed the hair out of his face, wiped the sweat away from his brow, and stepped inside into the blessed air conditioning, involuntarily taking a deep, cooling breath. He slowed his walk as he made his way to the back of the store, closing his eyes as the heat radiated from his skin. He froze when he reached the egg case.

There were no eggs.

_There were no eggs._

Sighing, he walked back to the front of the store. He'd have to jog down to the next store, or he'd never make it back in time for breakfast, even at this hour. The old man at the front of the store caught his eye as he was leaving. He hesitated, his hand on the door.

"Ain't no eggs," the old man said, not looking up from the paper. "Truck overturned, big traffic mess on the south side of town. Egg truck is late. Be here this afternoon."

Shinji sagged in defeat and pushed open the door.

"Hey kid," the old man said.

Shinji stopped.

"What's a seven letter word for the 'cycle of death and rebirth'"?

Shinji shrugged.

"Kids," the old man muttered, "what do they teach you these days?"

Dejected, he walked out onto the road, his hands in his pockets.

What was he going to do now?

Shrugging, he started making his way back to the apartment, already starting to sweat in the excessive heat. He was surprised to find Asuka bounding down the front steps in _that dress_. Of all the clothes she could wear today, she had to wear _that dress_, the pale yellow silk that left her shoulders and back exposed. She shrugged her purse over her shoulder and straightened her hat.

"I'm going to the arcade with Hikari," she announced in passing, "tell Jack Daniels up there not to wait up. I've got my phone."

Sighing, he trudged back up the steps to the apartment, and nearly tripped and broke his neck when the strap on his flip-flop broke. He dumped both of them in the trash as he wandered back into the kitchen, took a soda out of the refrigerator, and turned around to find Misato using several towels and her naked, glistening wet body to test the strength of the law of surface tension against the law of gravity while simultaneously pushing the laws of decency. Shinji blushed up to his hairline and turned around.

"Don't be such a prude," Misato teased, padding into the kitchen on her bare feet. She reached past him into the refrigerator, took a beer, and he stiffed when her terrycloth-ensconced bust brushed his back. In both senses of the word.

"Where's Asuka?"

Still facing away, with his eyes pressed tightly shut, Shinji squeaked, "Hikari. Arcade."

"Okay," Misato said absently, wandering out of the kitchen. A moment later a pile of towels landed in the hallway. "I'm going out shopping with some of the girls from NERV. I'm going to a wedding tonight with Kaji. I'll see you later."

She passed by the kitchen a moment later in a black minidress and heels, adjusting her earrings. Her raven hair flashed as she closed the apartment door behind her. He stood in the kitchen in his sweats and his sweat and glanced at the calendar and _oh shit_.

The tears stung the edges of his eyes. He forgot. It was _this_ day. He had to hurry, or he'd be late, although some part of him didn't know why he cared.

Thankfully alone, he didn't have to worry about someone walking in on him or yelling at him for daring to be naked in his own house, so he managed to get into his school uniform quickly enough, although the shower did little good, as he was already sweaty by the time he got to the train. He flopped into the hard plastic seat and let the swaying of the train nearly rock him to sleep. It was a twenty minute ride to the memorial, and he had an hour to get there. He realized he'd forgotten his S-Dat player and flicked absently at his ears, in the habit of adjusting his earbuds. When the speakers chimed and the doors opened, he stepped out onto the platform and coughed, the hot, wet air sting his lungs.

From here, he had to walk.

Near the end of the line, there were few buildings. In the harsh haze of the morning heat, the world seemed closed in, like a blanket wrapped around him. He thrust his hands in his pockets and walked, no longer caring that he'd be soaked by the time he made it to the memorial. He wished he'd brought some water. Maybe he'd remember next year. If there was a next year.

He had about twenty minutes of lead time when he finally made it to the marker, and so he stood there, just staring at it. He nearly jumped out of his skin when his father approached; he hadn't even noticed the VTOL landing, he was so deeply locked in thought.

The older man was tall and spare and thin, and despite wearing a full suit with a jacket and even gloves in the sweltering heat, not a drop of sweat moved on his face. He regarded Shinji with those cold, cold eyes through lenses tinted orange as if to give them the illusion of heat. Shinji looked up at him and back down at the grave.

"It's been three years since the last time we came here together."

"I ran away, then, and I haven't been back since. It just hasn't sunk in that Mother is resting here. I don't even remember her face."

"Man survives by forgetting his memories, but there are some things a man should never forget. Yui taught me about those things. I come here to remind myself of that."

"You have no pictures?"

"There are none left. This grave, too, is an artifice. An empty marker."

"So my teacher was right, you threw it all away."

"I keep everything of her in my heart. That is all I need. I must go."

Shinji said nothing until the man was a good ten feet away. "It was good seeing you today," he said lamely.

"I see."

Shinji sighed and blinked the dust out of his eyes as the backwash from the VTOL slid over him, almost pushing him back a step. Was that Ayanami in the window?

The rest of his day was like a dream. He got off the train early, wandered places he'd never been before. He found himself passing the school around midday, and made his way back to the apartment. By then he was drenched in sweat, and once in a while he could rub his arm on his forehead and flick moisture onto the ground, where it steamed. It was so hot he thought he was going to pass out. He ended up stopping in the same store where he'd been that morning, and bought a bottle of water to sip on the last leg of his journey. The old man eyed him.

"Eggs'r in," he said.

Shinji shrugged. It was too late. Tomorrow was a school day. They'd pack lunches anyway, and… eh. He shrugged, took his water, and made his way home.

Lacking anything better to do, he showered again, a cold one this time, and finished the water. He looked around the apartment, realized he was alone for a while, and pulled his cello into the living room. He took a seat in a chair, got the bow, and started to play, a Mozart suite he'd wanted to practice first, but the nothing in particular, just the feel of the music. He opened his eyes and started when he realized it was dark, and Asuka was watching him.

"You're not bad," she shrugged, sipping a soda.

"I started when I was five," he explained. "No one ever told me to stop."

"That does sound like you," she rolled her eyes as she got up. The phone rang, and she picked it up. She listened for a moment.

"Yeah," she said a little sadly, and put the receiver down just a bit too hard. She shrugged her shoulders. "Misato is out drinking. She said not to wait up."

Shinji shrugged. "Fine," he said.

Asuka flopped on the couch and turned on the television, then began clicking through the channels. Shinji found a manga in his room that Kensuke had given him, started flipping through it, realized it was about giant robots, and then tossed it in the corner. He sat down on the couch, a fair distance from Asuka, and started watching whatever she was watching.

"What do you want to watch?" she said idly, not looking at him.

He slumped in the couch. "Whatever you want."

She huffed. "You're really boring, you know that?"

He said nothing as she flipped from channel to channel, until she settled on some old rubber Kaiju movie for a moment, snorted, and changed the channel. Shinji suppressed a laugh at that. He couldn't believe they still played that crap on television. Finally she landed on some badly dubbed American movie, some kind of superhero story from the looks about it, about a man with spider-powers. Shinji watched for a while, noting the nonsensical nature of kissing upside down, and in the rain no less.

"Hey," Asuka said idly. "I'm bored."

Shinji sighed. "Me too."

"What do you want to do?"

He leaned back and looked up at the ceiling. He almost jumped when he realized she was getting closer to him.

"I have an idea," she said, smirking dangerously.

"What?" he said, his voice trembling a bit. Her past ideas had included such greatest hits as punching him and dressing him up in one of her plug suits.

"Let's kiss."

He froze. "What?"

"You know, kiss. Lips mashing together. You've never done it, right? Let's do it."

"Why?"

"I'm bored."

"That's not much of a reason to kiss," Shinji stammered.

"What," Asuka said slyly. "Are you scared? You don't want to kiss a girl on the anniversary of your mom's death? Afraid she's watching you from heaven?"

Shinji sank into the seat. "Not… not really…"

"Or are you scared?"

"I'm not scared!"

"You brushed your teeth, didn't you?" she said, looking earnestly at him.

He nodded. "But-"

She was right in his face. He closed his eyes in anticipation, the blush creeping up his cheeks.

"Don't breathe," she said, "it tickles."

She reached up and settled her fingers on the bridge of his nose, and then pinched his nostrils together. He gasped as her lips met his, closing on his lower lip. His eyes shot wide as hers closed, and he froze, unable to move. What was he supposed to do? What was he supposed to-

It was over as quickly as it began. "Blecch," she snorted, "not something to do to kill time."

She danced up from the sofa and ran into the bathroom. A moment later he heard the sound of furious gurgling. He sat on the couch, feeling suddenly heavy, as if the force of gravity had tripled. Moving slowly, robotically, like a diver under water, he got up, walked into his room, and flopped on his futon. There he slipped his earbuds in his ears and turned on the S-Dat. Except it didn't work, of course. He left the buds in anyway and covered his ears with his hands.

Time passed. He heard Kaji half drag Misato back into the house, a whispered conversation with Asuka, the front door slamming. Asuka running into her room and throwing herself roughly to the floor. He pressed his hands tighter against his head as tears began to flow, his pillow clinging to his cheek.

"It's not fair," he moaned softly to himself. "One good day. I just want one good day. It's not _fair._"

In time, he drifted off to a fitful sleep, and dreamed of spinning wheels and giants from beyond the stars, and the soft voice of someone that may have been his mother.

**ONE**

His S-Dat being broken wasn't a surprise today, but the song on the radio was.

_Ti-i-i-ime is on my side, yes it is…_

"Turn that shit off!" Asuka screamed.

Shinji flinched. Two days in a row. He sat up, at least this time he had a reason to rise. Today was a school day. Asuka should have been up already anyway, she was probably just taking yesterday out on him. Knowing her, she'd thrown herself at Kaji last night, got shot down, and was going to give him hell all day because of it. He resigned himself to walking out into the kitchen.

"Well, you woke me up. Get your bony ass out here and make me some breakfast."

He sighed. The toaster was still broken, so he ignored it and went for the… right, no eggs. He stopped with his hand on the refrigerator door.

"What do you want in your lunch box?" he said, pulling out some horrid instant food Misato had stowed for such an occasion.

"My what?" Asuka snapped, looking up from the paper.

"Your lunch. You know, for school?"

"It's Sunday, dummy, we don't have school today."

He froze. "What?"

"Don't you know what day it is?"

He shrugged.

"Whatever," she muttered. "Fry me some eggs."

"We don't have any," he said absently, already moving towards his bedroom.

"How do you know? You didn't even look."

He paused, opened the refrigerator, the right one this time, and stood there dumb for a moment. "No eggs."

"Then go get some," she snapped.

Robotically, he went to his room, slipped on his pants, and… his flip flops, sitting by the front door. He was almost out the door when Asuka called after him.

"Hey," she said, "what's a seven letter word for 'cycle of death and rebirth'?"

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><p>...to be continued.<p> 


	2. You can only say what it is in French

_You're searching for good times_

_But just wait and see_

**TWO**

With a mixture of dread and anticipation, Shinji Ikari came back to the waking world and yet kept his eyes closed, gradually letting awareness fill him. He was lying in bed, he was sure of it, his broken S-Dat's earbuds jammed in his ears. In anticipation, he slid one free, and then let his hand hover over the clock, his eyes still squeezed shut. He cut the radio off just as it started.

_Ti-i-i-…_

Silence as his hand jammed down on the button, hard. He sat bolt upright and stared at his wrists. The shackles were gone. He was no longer in the holding cell at NERV. After he'd started screaming about the day repeating there'd been a flurry of activity. Misato had driven him, bleary-eyed, to the Geofront. There was talk of mental instability and contamination. They put him in a rubber room, like he'd gone mad. Ritsuko looked at him sadly as she slipped a needle in his arm.

Then he woke up here. Again. _On the same day._

He got up, pulled his sweats on, and stole softly out of his room. He slid Asuka's door open. She was asleep, snoring softly, a thin trickle of drool from corner of her mouth. She looked so peaceful. He was actually glad she was undisturbed. He slid her door shut, slipped into his shoes, and darted out the door into the dawning sun. It wasn't six thirty yet when he knocked on the door of the convenience store. The old man stared at him through the glass.

"What?"

"Eggs!" he shouted, cupping his hands against the glass.

"Late," the old man shouted, "Get lost!"

He took a few steps back. He did something unusual. Without ID or money or anything, he started to walk. He had to think. He had to figure this out.

Today was today.

So was yesterday, and the day before that. The same day, over and over again. Would he wake up again to that stupid song tomorrow? What would happen?

If today was yesterday, or today, or… his head started to hurt. Whatever. If he was right, that meant… he started to walk, with a purpose now. He felt a little at ease as he crossed into a poorer section of town, the old tenements that had been occupied by NERV while the Geofront was being excavated. He could hear the pounding sounds of deconstruction as a nearby building was being torn down,

He had to know. He had to.

He came up on Rei's apartment block just as she and his father were emerging. Shinji was right, he'd picked her up in person. Shinji strode up to his father, a manic gleam in his eye.

"Father," he called out.

Gendo looked surprised, genuinely surprised, and Shinji relished it. Shini smiled, he actually smiled, which only confused the old man more. A pair of agents emerged from the black limousine idling at the curb, eyeing him with their hands thrust into their jackets. One spoke into the sleeve of his jacket.

"Hello, Father," Shinji said, waving to Gendo as he walked up.

"What are you doing here?" the old man demanded, his face a mask.

"Fuck you, that's what," Shinji grinned, "and fuck your Evas! Hey Rei, let's ditch this loser and go to the mall!"

**THREE**

Shinji sat bolt upright, his hand stopping the radio just in time. He'd anticipated it perfectly. His fingers rested on the button, the speaker barely having squeaked out a tinny _Ti_ before he stopped it. A broad grin spread across his face. He felt almost giddy, like he was going to burst out of his skin. He touched his face. No black eye. No stitches. No mark where a white gloved fist had struck his cheekbone. He was alive.

He was _alive?_

He got up and walked into the kitchen.

He opened Pen Pen's door.

"You," he snapped, "Penguin!"

"Wark?"

The bird stared at him with its head cocked to the side, in its almost-intelligent way. Shinji's grin widened, and he took it by the hand. Flipper. Whatever. Anyway, he pulled it out into the kitchen, crouched down to the bird's level, and looked it straight in the eye.

"You," he said. "You're responsible for this, aren't you? Always watching, always plotting. What does 'wark' even mean, anyway? You taunt me. You _task_ me. It ends now."

He dragged the penguin down the hall, picking up Misato's key's from the hook where they hung at the edge of the kitchen. Asuka watched, rubbing her eyes and blinking in surprise as the boy dragged the penguin past her door, a look of determination on his face. He dragged Pen-Pen by the flipper down the stairs and out to the parking lot, where he found Misato's car by clicking the remote until it beeped. He opened the passenger door, shoved Pen-Pen inside, and then slid over the console into the driver's seat.

It took him a minute to figure out how to move this thing.

"We're going to figure this out," Shinji said, starting the car. He held the key too long and the engine screeched.

"Oops."

"Wark," said Pen-Pen.

It took him a minute to figure out that he had to put his foot on the brake to work the shifter. By the time he shakily wheeled the car back out of her parking spot, Misato herself was running out of the building with her spare keys, hair flying, bra-less breasts jiggling gloriously, Asuka a few steps behind, a look of sheer horror frozen on her face.

"Stop!" Misato screamed.

"No!" Shinji shouted back, "I'm done with your orders!"

He slammed the car into drive and pushed the gas pedal to the floor.

Oh, wait, that was neutral. D was drive.

He pushed the pedal to the floor and with a squeal of tires he was out on the road. A lorry blew its horn at him and swerved to the side, spilling a crate of eggs onto the road. For every ten that shattered in an explosion of albumen and yolk, one rolled, perfectly fine. Something about that amused Shinji.

"The eggs," he said, "it's about fucking time!"

"Wark?"

"Quiet, you wouldn't understand!"

"Wark!"

Shinji swerved to avoid a fire hyrant and the tires squealed. He slammed on the brakes in reflex and the car skidded to a swirling stop amidst a tiny dust devil of tire smoke and exhaust. Shinji sat in the driver's seat, panting. He heard sirens.

"It's the cops," he said to Pen Pen. "We have to get out of here."

"Wark," Pen Pen protested.

"What, you think you can do better?"

"…wark?"

Laughing maniacally, Shinji pulled Pen-Pen onto his lap and planted the bird's flippers on the steering wheel.

"You steer," Shinji shouted, "I'll work the pedals!"

He turned on the radio. Misato's presents all sucked. Meatloaf? Really?

He flipped the dial until he landed on something he thought he liked. Classical.

"You know what? Fuck classical," he told Pen Pen, and whirled the dial again.

_GA GA OOH LA LA_

_ WANT YOUR BAD ROMANCE_

"This'll work," Shinji said, putting his hands on Pen-Pen's flippers.

Ten minutes later, the Renault was wrapped around a lamppost, and there was a gun in his face.

"It was the penguin, officer, I swear."

"Wark."

**FOUR**

"Pilot Ikari, where did you get a tuxedo?" Rei asked in her quiet voice, a hint of confusion at the back of her tone.

"I bought it. I haven't been spending my pay checks," he grinned.

"…we get paid?"

He shrugged. "May I come in?"

Rei opened the door a bit wider. She was dressed in her school uniform. Shinj shook his head as he brushed his way into the apartment, settling his hand on her hip.

"Excuse me," he whispered in her ear. She blushed. She actually blushed, a faint red tinge, crawling up her cheeks, like a glow. He smiled. She merely looked bewildered. He lifted up the shopping bag he held in his hand.

"You're about a size two, right? Petite?"

"I… think… yes?"

"I'll wait out here. Go change. We're going out."

"Your father is on his way," Rei said, standing beside her bed. "He will arrive in fifteen minutes."

Shinji looked around the dingy apartment. The walls were stained from a leaky roof. Everything was so bare, so industrial. He ran his finger along the top her dresser and brought up a film of grime on his fingertip. He frowned at it.

"Rei, how do you live like this?"

"It is sufficient."

"It is not sufficient. Are you _happy?"_

"I… do not require…"

"I didn't ask that, I asked if you're _happy_, Rei. I've never seen you smile, not since the Fifth Angel."

She blinked.

He felt a heavy hand slap on his shoulder. Rei's brows furrowed in every so slight concern. He heard a Section 2 agent's voice in his ear. "We've got him."

"Goodbye, Rei," Shinji said as they dragged him out in handcuffs, "I'll see you tomorrow!"

**FIVE**

"And now for something completely different," Shinji'd said, resting his fingertip on the clock radio. That was how his day started. He gathered his things and walked out of the apartment, took Misato's car, and at a much more sedate pace, headed off towards the mall. He'd leave Rei alone for today. He could catch her tomorrow. Which was also today.

A white Lotus pulled up beside him at the stop light. The window rolled down. Kaji stared across the lane at him, grinning. Without rolling his own window down, Shinji gunned the Alpine's engine, felt it torque against the brakes. The light went green.

They raced.

Kaji won, easily. Shinji found him a lot less eager to take the curves than Kaji had. As a matter of fact, he slowed down to a normal speed when taking them. Also he used his turn signals. He felt a little sheepish. He rolled the window down.

The unlit cigarette fell out of Kaji's mouth.

"Kid," he demanded, "what the hell are you doing?"

Shinji shrugged. He looked at the clock. It was that time.

_BA-A-AD ROMANCE!_

"Pull over somewhere!" Kaji shouted. Shinji nodded and pulled to the side of the road.

He wasn't expecting the man to haul him out through the window of the car.

He shoved Shinji roughly against the side of the car. Shinji quailed. He wasn't expecting this.

"Kid, _what the hell."_

"I…" Shinji gulped.

"Look kid, I like you, but this is crazy. You're going to get yourself locked up."

"I… I just wanted to have some fun."

Their eyes met. Kaji's own widened, and his mouth worked as if to say something. He slackened his grip on Shinji's collar, reached through the window of Misato's car, and turned off the ignition, then pocketed the keys. He walked over to his own car.

"Get in."

Shinji settled into the passenger's seat and clipped the seat belt over himself, then folded his hands on his lap. Kaji drove for a bit in silence, thinking, then pulled over.

"Shinji," he said, "I'm sorry. I know you're under a lot of pressure, but this is crazy. You're lucky you weren't killed."

Shinji looked at him for a moment.

"KajiI''sthesamedayeverydayIdon'tknowwhattodo!"

"Shinji?"

"Y-Yes?"

"Have you been drinking?"

**SIX**

Shinji took a bite of his donut and moaned in ecstasy. The other patrons stared him, but he ignored them until he'd thoroughly chewed and swallowed the first bite of his fifth donut, which had white frosting and sprinkles. He pushed the plate of donuts at Rei.

"Pilot Ikari," she said.

"Shinji."

"Shinji, I do not think that your current diet is appropriate."

"I do," Shinji said. "Have one of the pink ones."

Rei stared at him blankly for a moment, then picked up one of the donuts. She considered it, lifting one finger at a time away from the sticky surface, and then sniffed it. Her eyes widened. She took a small, demure bite, leaving crumbs and bits of pink frosting sticking to her lips. After chewing for a moment, she licked them away and a genuine, involuntary smile spread across her face.

"It is… good."

Shinji smiled. "I'm glad you like it."

"Pilot I… Shinji?"

"Yes, Rei?"

"You have been acting abnormally today."

"Yeah," he shrugged, taking a sip of his triple espresso.

"I will have to report your activities to the Commander."

"Okay. Want some coffee?"

She looked at the cup, and back down at the donut, then took another bite, then looked back to the coffee.

"Yes."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Yes."

"What would you do if you knew there was no tomorrow? That there was no consequences to any of your actions?"

Rei's eyes widened.

**SEVEN**

"Note to self," Shinji said, pressing the button on the radio. "Always get Rei coffee."

**EIGHT**

Tapping the radio to shut it up, Shinji got up, walked through the apartment, opened Misato's door, snuggled in beside her, and pillowed his head on her cleavage, slipping his hands around her hips under her cutoff shorts. He fell to sleep with surprising speed.

**NINE**

"Totally worth it," Shinji grinned as he woke.

**TEN**

Shinji strutted into the apartment and tossed his new leather jacket onto the couch, causing Asuka to jump up from where she'd been playing a video game. He flopped down on the couch and yawned, staring outside at the patchwork cloud haze as it turned hues of red and orange in the setting sun. Asuka eyed him warily.

"What's with the jacket?"

"It's a motorcycle jacket," he said, flipping through the mail.

"You don't have a motorcycle." Asuka said.

"True," he said, "I need to start working on that." He got up and headed into the kitchen. When the phone rang, he scooped it up.

"Yo."

"…Shinji? Listen, I'll be home late, so-"

"Cool beans," Shinji said, and slapped the phone down into the receiver. He started working on dinner.

He busily hummed along to his new MP3 player. The clerk had eyed him when he said he wanted the entire Lady Gaga collection, but Shinji shrugged it off. "Different strokes for different folks," he'd said. It was the shadow on the wall that alerted him to Asuka's presence. He pulled out his headphones and turned.

"Shinji?"

_Here it comes._

"Yes?"

"I'm bored."

Shinji shrugged. "Read a book."

Asuka's eyes narrowed. "Let's kiss."

"No," Shinji said.

Her eyes shot open wide. "Excuse me?"

"I said no. You treat me like garbage. You insult me, belittle me, make lewd comments about my manhood, call my best friends stooges, and generally talk down to me like I'm a piece of trash when all I ever do is cater to your every whim, save your ass when you're in trouble, and support you. If you genuinely have feelings for me, then we can sit down and talk it out. If this is some kind of way for you to tease me and make me suffer and humiliate me, then you can _fuck right off._"

She stared at him, her mouth gaping for a moment, then turned and ran to her room. Smirking to himself he turned back to his dinner, ate, and retired to his room to fiddle with the new laptop he'd bought with three months of back paychecks. He chuckled when Kaji dragged Misato back into the apartment, drunk as ever. Maybe he could work in a few gropes after Cassanova left again.

The battery in his MP3 player died, and he yanked the earbuds out angrily. The S-Dat always worked better. He sighed. Oh well, he'd just buy a new one tomorrow.

"Why," he heard a tiny voice whisper.

Something lurched in his stomach. He crawled on his hands and knees to the door and listened through the rice paper.

"No one will help me," Asuka pleaded to herself, "No one wants me. Why can't I have one good day?"

His eyes went wide.

"I just want one good day," she sobbed.


	3. Time and Punishment

_Go ahead, go ahead and light up the town _

_And baby, do everything your heart desires_

**FIFTEEN**

"H… hello," Shinji said haltingly, reading aloud from the book of German phrases. "How… do you do… my name is… Shinji. I… only… speak… a… little German."

A librarian shushed him. He waved her away.

**SIXTEEN**

"Dad," Shinji said, staring his father in the eye. "Listen, I know we haven't been the best father and son to each other, but I think Mom would want us to give it a chance. I know we both miss her, and I know it hurts you. I just want you to think about what you're doing, if she would-

**SEVENTEEN**

"Professor Fuyutsuki?" Shinji said, leaning into the man's office.

"Yes, Shinji?" the old man said absently, looking up from his papers.

His office was that of an old professor's, nothing like the commanders, stacked with books and shelves and papers and a little grandmother clock that wasn't running, and looked very old. Shinji took it all as he walked into the office, hands thrust in his pocket.

"I'm very busy," the old man said, turning back to his papers. "is this important?"

"I'd like to talk to you about my-"

"I can't, Shinji," the old man looked a bit pained, "I can't explain why. Just go."

"Not about mother. About my father."

The old man leaned back and scratched his chin. "What is it you want to know?"

**EIGHTEEN**

Shinji waited patiently, rocking on his heels in front of the Aida residence. The door opened and Kensuke blearily eyed Shinji, cleaning his glasses. He looked up and down the street, and then looked at Shinji again with a bit of trepidation.

"Shinji?"

"Hi, Kensuke. Want to hang out?"

"What? Really?"

"Sure. Say, you know about computers and stuff, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I want to try something."

It took hours. Shinji was right. How could so simple a password not be cracked? It didn't have to be, since one had to know where to look to enter it in the first place. Shinji pushed Kensuke out of the way and sat in front of the computer, reading the files in rapt attention, even as the Section 2 men pounded on the door.

"Shinji…" Kensuke said nervously.

Shinji ignored him, bathed in the light of Kensuke's screens. "Relax. I'll make it up to you next time around, I promise."

**NINTEEN**

"Kensuke?" Shinji said as the boy opened the door.

"Want to go to the arcade?"

Kensuke shrugged. "Okay, sure."

**TWENTY**

Ritsuko looked up from her terminal, yanked off her glasses, and with a long, slow sigh rubbed the bridge of her nose. She saw her reflection in the monitor and took a long pull on her mug of cold coffee, fighting down the realization that even with her dye job she was only a few more worry lines, crow's feet and years of wearing glasses away from turning into a duplicate of her mother. She nearly jumped out of her skin when a small hand put a cat figurine down on the desk beside her.

"Shinji?" she said in surprise, "What the… what are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "I was passing by. You like cat stuff, right?"

He looked around the array of cat figurines, the cat ashtray, and the cat thermos that sat next to her computer.

"Um, thanks?"

"Listen, I need a favor."

She raised an eyebrow. "What kind of a favor?"

"You have like, files and stuff, right? On us? The pilots, I mean."

"Why would you want to know that?"

"Well, Asuka's been really upset lately, and I was… I want to help her."

Ritsuko laughed at him, a sad, tired laugh. "That's very cute, Shinji, but I can't help you in that way. Those files are private. If you want to learn about Asuka's past, you're going to have to ask her yourself."

He slumped, and turned to leave.

She put her hand on his shoulder.

"For what it's worth, I… I'm sorry. I wish I could help. I really do."

Shinji nodded. "Thank you, Doctor Akagi. I think you're right. I do need to ask her myself."

"Where are you headed now?" Ritsuko said idly, turning back to her work.

"The library," he said, "I've got brush up on some things."

**TWENTY-FIVE**

"What's that," Asuka said, eying the dark mass of cake and frosting in the center of the table warily. She circled it like a hungry shark, tongue darting over her lips.

"Black Forest Cake," Shinji said proudly, still wearing his apron. "Try some!"

Half an hour, a gargle, and slap later, he drifted off to sleep again.

**THIRTY**

Asuka walked into the living room. "What is that?"

Shinji stood in front of the television, a microphone in his hand. Toji was on drums and Kensuke on guitar, with Hikari on bass. After a moment, she realized they weren't real instruments, but game controls. She planted her fists on her hips.

"How did you afford all this?"

Shinji shrugged. "I haven't been spending my pay."

"We get paid?"

Without warning, the speakers pumped up.

"I want your lovin' and your lover's revenge," Shinji sang, "You and me could have a _bad romance!"_

**FORTY**

"Father?"

Gendo eyed him, not responding, hands at his sides.

"Can I ask your help with something? I'm trying to set up a date with Asuka, and…"

His father turned on his heels and began walking away.

"I guess I'll have to find someone else to bail me out," Shinji said to himself, turning to walk away.

His father froze.

**FIFTY-THREE**

Shinji stood in the kitchen, his face stinging from the slap. At least she wasn't crying this time.

**SIXTY-TWO**

Toji jumped as he turned and saw the oddest thing his young eyes had ever fallen upon: Shinji, who was steadily putting toward him on a moped. He was wearing an American style motorcycle jacket and a pair of reflecting sunglasses, and Rei Ayanami seated behind him, clinging to his back, dressed in a blue race outfit that fit her rather snugly. Shinji pulled to a stop beside him and Kensuke, who were walking their bikes towards town.

"Whatup," Shinji grinned. Rei looked confused.

"Uh," Toji said, "Shinji?"

"In the flesh," Shinji beamed. He kicked down the kickstand of his bike and hopped off, leaving Rei.

"Umm, watcha doin'," Toji said.

"Putting together a rescue mission," Shinji crossed his arms. "Asuka has taken Hikari to the arcade. Are you a bad enough dude to rescue her?"

Toji blinked. "Uh, what?"

"We are on a mission from God," said Rei.

**SEVENTY-EIGHT**

Shinji took a long pull from Misato's whiskey bottle and shifted on the chaise, sweltering in the afternoon heat. He looked to his left and saw a younger version of himself dressed in a striped shirt and shorts, tears streaming down his young face.

"Who are you?" Shinji slurred, sipping at the bottle again.

"I am the Shinji Ikari in the mind of Shinji Ikari."

"You know who you are?" Shinji said, tossing the bottle at him. "Shut the fuck up, that's who."

**ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY TWO**

"Excuse me," Shinji tapped the foreign exchange student on the shoulder. "We haven't met, but you're Gunther, right? I'm Shinji."

"Ja," the boy said warily.

"I'm trying to learn German. Would you mind helping me practice for a few minutes?"

The older boy shrugged, but didn't say no. Shinji smiled.

**ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-SIX**

Hyuga was surprised to find Shinji sitting on the bridge reading a manga when his shift started. Come to think of it, he wasn't sure the kid was even allowed in here, but what was the point of restricting access to one of the pilots. He sat down at his station and did his best to ignore the kid until he let out a long sigh and rested his chin on his palm.

"What's wrong?"

"Asuka," Shinji said, putting the book down. "I want to talk to her about… stuff… but I don't know how."

Hyuga turned towards him a little bit. "Hey man, I know how you feel."

"Oh," Shinji said. "Miss Ibuki, right?"

"M- wait, what?"

"She likes you?"

Hyuga looked around carefully. "Dude, she's into girls. She's got a thing for Akagi. Everybody knows it."

Shinji sat up, looking surprised. "But…"

"Listen," Hyuga said, "You have to promise never to tell anyone this. I mean it, Shinji."

"Okay."

"I… I… I'm attracted to Misato."

Shinji sat back thoughtfully. "Why?"

"Huh?"

"You've got nothing in common. She's a slob, she's wild and crazy and you're all quiet and stuff."

"Well, I mean, she's gorgeous, and why am I telling you this again?"

"Are you attracted to Misato as a person, or because she's unattainable?" Shinji said sagely. "Maybe you're afraid of your true feelings for someone close by, so you've convinced yourself that someone won't respond and transferred your feelings to someone who won't reciprocate."

Hyuga crossed his arms. "Shinji?"

"I've been going to the library," he said sheepishly.

**ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY-EIGHT**

"What is it you're so fucking afraid of!" Shinji demanded at his father, who stood implacable before Yui Ikari's grave. "I try to reach out to you over and over and all you do is turn around and walk away! You're a _pussy! _I'll show you!"

A moment later, he found himself on the ground, a bruise rising on his jaw. He looked up at his father, slid his feet under him, and grinned.

"Let's go."

**ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-THREE**

"Dad?"

"Don't call me that."

"Can I talk to you about… girls?"

"_No._"

**ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY-TWO**

It was perfect, it was all perfect. Toji, Hikari, Rei and Kensuke were all there, and Asuka loved the cake and she was actually smiling for a while until he sent his friends home. She was genuinely shocked that he'd planned a _party_ for her of all things, and that he'd done it without Misato's permission. The best part came for last.

"Wait," he said, catching her hand, "I need to breathe."

Their lips met. By now he felt like he'd been kissing her forever, even if it had been less than a hundred times. He started to lift his other arm, to slip it around her waist, when she broke the embrace and ran, darting into her room. After what felt like an eternity, she started to sob again. Again. Again.

He ran into his room and slumped against the wall. "I was so close," he said, "I was so fucking _close!"_

**TWO HUNDRED AND ELEVEN**

"The word we use for 'she' literally means 'a woman far away,'" Kaji mused, leaning on the rail.

Shinji leaned beside him, facing in the opposite direction. He watched the sun moving through the clouds and sighed deeply, wishing the man had some better advice for him.

"This all seems a little sudden, Shinji," Kaji said, "I mean, it seems like just yesterday you were totally oblivious to her. I'm glad you're trying to reach out to her, but you can't rush it."

"Yesterday," Shinji said sadly. "Yesterday. Huh."

"She's had a rough life. Just remember that. She had a reason to be afraid, to hide from people. You can't force her way into your heart. You have to give her a chance to reach out to you… and when she pulls you along, you have to go with it. I just hope you're not trying to use her, Shinji. I know how boys your age can be."

"I feel old sometimes," he said sadly, not looking at the older man. "I'm not," he said, a little louder. "I just want her to be happy, I really do. I just want her to have one good day."

Kaji looked at him with something approaching respect. Shinji felt it, felt it sink into the marrow of his bones. This was new.

"Then show her," he said, "Let her see it. The rest is up to her."

"Don't push anything tonight," Kaji said, heading for his car. "Remember, tomorrow's a new day."

"I wish," Shinji said, watching him drive off.

**TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY SIX**

"I'm bored," Asuka announced, looking up at the ceiling. Her mouth started to form new words.

"Let's go for a ride on my new moped," Shinji said, cutting her off. She looked at him as if he'd grown three heads.

"What?"

"It goes like twenty miles an hour," he beamed. "It's better than sitting here all night. Come on, it'll be fun. I have another helmet."

She looked at him for a moment. "Fine, I guess, but you better not be doing this to get me to hug you."

"Nah," he said, "I'm bored too."

He waited by the door for her to catch up to him in a pair of jeans. When they got down to the parking lot, he handed her the helmet, and she turned it around in her hands.

"It's red," she said, "did you buy this for me?"

"Red's a highly visible color. I thought you'd like it, though."

"I like red," she said, pulling her hair into a ponytail.

He kicked the bike to life and waited for her to adjust herself behind him. She hooked her hands through his belt and he was off, putting along into traffic. It was no motorcycle, but once they got going it was much faster than either could run. He could feel her relax, and as the sun set and the moon started to rise, she actually leaned forward and rested her head on his back, watching the scenery from behind him as he looped up into the hills with the headlamp on.

She tugged on his jacket.

"Hey," she said, "Stop this thing."

He pulled to a stop and realized where they were. After they blackout, they'd all lain up here, all three of them, and watched the stars until the lights came back on. Asuka took off the helmet flicked her hair out, tugging it out of the ponytail, and put the helmet on the seat. Shinji followed her to the overlook, and she stared out in silence as he stood beside her.

"I wonder how the wedding is going," she said idly.

"Like a wedding," Shinji shrugged. "I just hope Misato is having a good time. She works really hard, she deserves to be happy."

"With Kaji," Asuka said, hugging herself.

Shinji winched. "They really like each other a lot."

"Why would he choose her over me?" Asuka said. She looked at him askance. "Why am I asking you?"

"I don't think it's like that," Shinji said, not returning her look. "You don't have to be… with someone in that way to have feelings for them, Asuka."

"Oh?" she snapped, "So you don't find me attractive?"

His eyes widened. "Wait, what?"

"Oh, I get it," Asuka said, "Let's make a fool of Asuka. Drag me out to the stupid mountains on your stupid put put bike so you can let me down gently, huh?"

"No, it's not like that at all, I-"

"Shut up," she said, _"Shut up, shut up, shut up!"_

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

Then came the slap.

**TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY SEVEN**

Shinji yanked the cord out of the wall and threw the alarm clock in the hallway, where it shattered against the floor, spraying electronic components and plastic shards around the carpeting. He stomped out and jammed his heel into it, tears streaming down his face.

"What do I have to do, huh?" he screamed, "What do I have to fucking do? Cure cancer? Get Fuyutsuki laid? Land on the god damn moon? _What does it take? I can't do this anymore!" _

He stormed out of the apartment in his underwear.

"What's with him?" Asuka poked her head out of her room.

"Wark," said Pen Pen.

**TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY-FIVE**

"I wish you were here," Shinji said as he sat cross-legged before his mother's grave. He didn't even notice that his father was standing over him, didn't care anymore. He ran his hand down the stone cylinder, touched the letters pressed into the base and let out a stifled, rasping sob.

"I'm trying so hard, but I can't do it, I just can't do it, I'm not strong enough."

He leaned his head against the stone and hugged it, shivering despite the morning heat. "Everything I try, I fuck up, and it blows up in my face. I don't even care if she loves me anymore. I just want her to go to bed happy _one god damn time,_ is that too much to ask? Is it?"

"Shinji?"

He turned and looked up at his father through tear strained eyes. "What do you want? Huh? Come to rub my nose in the dirt? I don't care. I don't give a _shit_ what you think. I can't save her. Nothing else matters. _Nothing._"

"Get up."

Clenching his fists, Shinji rose shakily to his feet.

"Let's talk."

Shini rubbed his eyes. "Yeah? About what? Are you going to tell me to quit crying and grow up?"

"No. Did I ever tell you about the time I met your mother?"


	4. Bad Romance

_'Cause I got the real love _

_The kind that you need_

**THREE HUNDRED**

Shinji's hand flew out at the very instant the alarm activated, and he took a long, low, humming breath, as if gathering his strength. He looked at the clock. He had to be precise. He had to be perfect. It was six o'clock in the morning. If he could do this, if he could pull it off, it would all be worth it. He knew it. He whispered it like a benediction, just barely louder than if he'd moved his lips without sound. He had to give form to the words, dangerous as they might be if anyone heard.

"I don't care," he breathed, "if this works, and I wake up tomorrow and it's today again and I fail over and over again forever, if I'm in hell, then I accept it, but if I make her happy, let he keep it. _Please._ Let her have a happy tomorrow, even if I don't see it. I don't know how this happened, or why, and I don't care anymore. Please, don't make her go through this with me."

He blinked the tears away and got up. He had work to do. The first order of business was slipping on his sweat pants, sliding into flip flops, and heading out the door. He thrust his hands into his pockets and made his way to the Laundromat. He spotted Hyuga and smiled inwardly to himself, and glanced at the clock on the bank across the street. He knew where they all were now.

"Hi, mister Hyuga," Shinji said amiably as he passed the technician carrying a bundle of laundry into the Laundromat.

Shinji ducked inside, wiping his brow to make it seem like he was avoiding the head. It was blessedly cool inside.

"What are you doing up so early, Shinji?" Hyuga asked, stuffing assorted bras and other lacy undergarments into a washer. "Aren't you kids off today?"

"I couldn't sleep," he shrugged. "I'm going for a walk. What's that stuff?"

"It's Misato's laundry," Hyuga said sheepishly, pushing the last of it in. "I'll drop it off later. She's going to a wedding tonight."

"With you?"

Hyuga sputtered. "What? No, she's going with Mister Kaji, why would…"

Shinji shrugged. "I just thought, you know, if you're washing her underwear…"

"Nah…" Hyuga said wistfully. "It's not like that. I'm just being nice."

"Oh," Shinji said. "I guess I should get going. Hey, isn't that Miss Ibuki?"

"Oh," Hyuga said, "Hey! Maya! Hi!"

Smirking to himself, Shinji strode out of the Laundromat unnoticed, and headed towards the Geofront entrance down the street. The security guard gave him a nod and a wave.

"Hi," he said, waving back. The man looked up at him, a bit confused, before turning back to his paper.

"Hey kid," he called as Shinji slowly descended the escalator, five minutes ahead of schedule. "What's a seven letter word for the cycle of death and rebirth?"

"Samsara," Shinji called back.

The stroll through Dogma to Doctor Akagi's office was leisurely, and Shinji felt fairly relaxed as he strode confidently into her office. He waited for her to notice her, and smiled.

"Hello, Shinji. What can I do for you?"

"Nothing. I was just out for a walk. I saw your light on and I thought you could use a cup of coffee."

He set a steaming twenty ounce cup of coffee on her desk in an open space and she eyed it hungrily for a moment, then dumped out and replaced the cold sludge in her cup, refilled it, took a sip. She sat back, delighted.

"This is delicious. Cream and two sugars?"

"Yes," he smiled. "Oh, by the way, you need to increase the cycles by two point five percent and reconfigured the matrix, that'll solve the instability and bring the model into alignment."

She stared at him for a moment, then looked at her computer screen, then back to him. Without speaking, she typed in the commands, and watched the complicated geometric patterns on her screen align and turn green.

"I've been working on that for three days," she said. "I never thought I'd figure that out. How did you…"

"You would have, in a few hours, I'm sure," he shrugged. "Say, if you went and got some sleep, couldn't you make the wedding tonight?"

"How did you know I was invited?"

"Oh, Misato is upset you're not going. She said she misses the old times."

Ritsuko looked at him for a minute. "Really?"

He nodded, checked the clock on her computer screen, and took his leave. "Enjoy your coffee."

"Uh, thanks," she said absently, taking another sip.

Humming to himself, Shinji walked into the locker room, disrobed, and padded barefoot into the showers. Once he'd taken a five minute hot shower he changed into the school uniform he kept here, counted his plugsuits for some reason, and walked back towards the Geofront entrance, where he caught the train out to the memorial.

His father was right on time.

"It's been three years since the last time we came here together," he said on cue, not looking at Shinji but at the grave before him.

"Yes," Shinji said, "I ran away. I was frightened. I felt abandoned, and you were the only thing I had left. I was terrified that I no longer had any meaning. Even when you called me here, when I began piloting Eva, was craving your attention. When I stand here, even though she's not under there, I understand that she wouldn't want that. I know what I have to do now. I am going to save Asuka. I am going to make her happy. Even if it's with someone else, even if it's for only one day, I am going to do that for her. I know you're standing there listening to me. I'm not asking for your help. If you want to give it, I'll take it, because my pride isn't as important as helping her. If you don't want to give it, then we don't need to play games anymore. If you will not help me, then the hell with you."

Silence fell between them for a while. Shinji counted the seconds in his head. Any moment now he would turn and leave and Shinji really didn't care. He believed it. He really did. The old man could just leave for all it mattered to him.

"Shinji,"

"Don't tell me to grow up, old man."

"Did I ever tell you how I met your mother?"

"No,"

"Another time, perhaps. I do not know if I understand you, or if you understand me, but from what you have said, perhaps in time we could. That time is not today."

"I understand, Father."

"Your relationship with Pilot Soryu is irrelevant to the larger concerns of your purpose here. I would advise you to focus yourself on-"

"With all due respect, _sir_, I would advise you that I'm going to save her and if you don't like it you can go to hell."

"I see," his father said, and turned. He stopped just before he was out of earshot.

"Perhaps I underestimated you after all."

Shinji shrugged and began walking. He had a train to catch.

He tapped his foot on the train in time to music only he could hear, bobbing his head along with it until the chime told him it was time to exit the train. He jogged out into the city and slowed, finally, taking a moment to breathe out and glance up at the overcast sky. He was starting to miss the sight of the sun, really and truly miss it. How long had it been? A year? The same day, again and again, and…

Eggs.

"Why, they just came in," the old man said as Shinji made his way to the back of the story. "By the way, do you…"

"Samsara," Shinji smiled, leaving the money on the counter.

"Thank you…?" the man said to the air as Shinji jogged back out into the street.

He skidded to a halt as Asuka made her way out of the apartment building towards the arcade. When he was sure he wouldn't see her, he headed up to the apartment, put the eggs in the refrigerator. Then, he grabbed Pen Pen's flipper and yanked him out.

"Look bird, I don't like you,"

"Wark!"

"…and you don't like me, but I need your help. The angry red one, we're going to make her happy, got it? Happy."

"Wark."

He handed the bird a beer and shoved him back into the refrigerator, then paced a quick circuit around the living room. Kensuke and Toji would wake up in five minutes and ten minutes, respectively. He had to make sure this was timed. When the clock hit the right minute, he started on his way towards Rei's apartment.

He found her, as he expected, sitting on her bed in her uniform reading a book.

"Hi, Rei," he said as he walked into the apartment.

"Pilot Ikari,"

"Shinji," he corrected. "What are you doing today?"

"I am studying," she said, holding up the book.

"We're off from school. Why don't you relax?"

"I do not understand."

"Have you ever had a donut?"

"No."

"Want to try one?"

"No."

"Come on, they're really good."

"I am studying."

He sighed. "Rei, I promise, if you come with me for half an hour, I won't bug you anymore. There's a donut shop two blocks from here. Besides, I saved you from, like, three Angels. You owe me one."

"Very well," she said, rising to follow him.

About ten minutes later, they found themselves standing in front of the counter, the donut man warily eyeing the strange albino looking over his wares. Shinji smiled broadly at him and slapped some money down on the counter.

"I'd like white frosting and sprinkles, please, and a twenty ounce mocha latte."

"And for you, miss?"

Rei stared at the board for a moment longer. "I will have what he is having."

"Have a pink one," Shinji said absently, taking his donut.

"Very well. I shall have a pink one." Rei said flatly. The donut man shrugged and handed her the donut, then prepared their coffees. Shinji led her to a table.

"Are we required to engage in conversation?" Rei said as they sat down. "People usually converse in these circumstances."

"if you want to," Shinji shrugged. "You have to do what's best for you."

"What is best for me," Rei said, raising her donut to her lips.

Here it comes. She took a small, demure bite, chewed thoroughly, then took a sip of coffee, wincing slightly at the heat. She considered them for a moment.

"This… is good."

"I thought you'd like it," he said as he took another sip of coffee. "Have you ever had bagel?"

"No," said Rei, taking another bite. "I have not."

"Maybe next weekend. I'd offer to take you for dinner, but I'm hoping Asuka will be free later."

Something odd happened, something that Shinji did not expect. Rei looked _surprised_.

"I do not understand. She does not appear to enjoy your company."

"I know. I think she acts the way she does around me because she's comfortable with me, actually."

"Why would you want to expose yourself to her rude behavior?"

"I don't. I want her to smile and be happy."

"Why?"

Shinji didn't quite know how to answer that, even after all this time. He took a sip of coffee and looked out the window. "Because if I have a perfect day and she doesn't, there's no point."

"I see," Rei said, taking the last bite of her donut. "May I go?"

"If you want to."

Rei sat for a moment. "I am unsure of what I wish to do."

"You could go shopping," Shinji shrugged. "Don't you get tired of wearing that every day?"

She looked down at her uniform. "I have never considered it before. I will ask the Commander for an allowance."

"You know, we get paid."

"We do?"

Shinji suppressed a laugh. "Yeah. I've got to run. I'll see you at school tomorrow, Rei."

Carrying his coffee with him, he saluted the donut man by raising it and stepped out into the heat, already feeling the sweat prickling on his skin. He downed the last of the coffee, almost regretting a hot drink on a hot day, but by now he just didn't care anymore. He looked up at the sun, now having just passed directly overhead. Only a few hours to go.

He started walking towards Toji's house. He knew he wouldn't make it, and so wasn't the least bit surprised when he ran into them halfway into town.

"Where are you guys headed?"

"Shinji?" Toji said. "We don't usually see you on weekends. We're on our way to the arcade, man, want to tag along?"

"Nah," Shinji said, hands stuffed in his pocket. "Hey, how about we go play basketball instead?"

Toji considered it for a moment. "Let's go grab my ball."

Kensuke snickered.

"Shut up, Kensuke," Toji snapped.

Shinji breathed a deep sigh of relief as the trio made their way onto the court. Toji seemed a little surprised at the depth of Shinji's game. Kensuke sat on the edge of the court fiddling with his laptop. Shinji almost let himself run too long, he was enjoying the game so thoroughly. He was winded, panting, and had to lean against the fence for a few minutes.

"I've got to run," he said. "I had a great time, guys,"

"See ya," Toji waved.

A broad smile on his face, Shinji jogged back to the apartment. It was almost dark now. He'd almost forgotten. He started to feel the butterflies in his stomach at last. It was an odd sensation. The plan was simple.

The plan was _there was no plan._

He luxuriated in a long shower, knowing he had a good hour. After he toweled off he dressed in a clean pair of sweats and a t-shirt- anything but that damned school uniform. He pulled his cello out into the living room, sat down, and started to play. He hummed the words to himself and started working out the melody. He couldn't do the bass line, so the song was almost unrecognizeable. After what felt like an eternity, he realized that Asuka was staring at him.

"What was that?" she said as he came to a literal screeching halt.

"Lady Gaga."

"Excuse me?"

Shinji shrugged. "I'm experimenting."

The phone rang.

"I"ll be that's Misato."

Asuka stared at him while she listened to the handset. She slowly put it down and turned to him.  
>"That was weird."<p>

"Well," he said, "who else would call. How was your day?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Fine, I guess. Hikari tried to set me up with some dork she knows. I ditched him in the amusement park."

"Oh, that's too bad," Shinji said, tuning one of his strings. "you could use a nice night out."

"What's that supposed to mean," she said, her eyes narrowing dangerously.

He met her gaze. "We're under a lot of stress. You especially. With all your time spent training, you deserve as much happiness as you can find."

She stared at him blankly for a moment. "What the hell has gotten into you?"

"I'm having a good day."

He slid his instrument into the case, put up the bow, and put his hands on his hips. "Oh well. I'm bored. Are you bored?"

"Yeah," she said absently.

"What should we do?"

"We? Who says we should do anything?"

Shinji shrank a little. "If you want to do something on your own, I understand. I'm sure you've had a long day. I'm going to steal Misato's car."

With that, he plucked the keys from the rack and started out the door. A hand caught his wrist, a warm, soft hand. He smiled and didn't care if she saw it.

"Okay, what the hell?"

"I'm stealing Misato's car. I'm going to drive it illegally."

"What? Have you lost your mind?"

"No," Shinji said with an earnestness that surprised even himself, "I think I found it."

"Okay, Yoda, you go ahead and commit grand theft auto."

"I was going to put it back."

"Okay," she said finally. "This I have to see, even if it's just to watch you die in a fireball."

He made his way down the parking lot, looked around, and crossed to where Misato had left the car parked. He hopped in, deftly started it, threw it into reverse, and backed to where Asuka stood.

"Need a ride?" he said cheerfully.

She hesitated for a moment, uncharacteristically for her.

"You're not scared, are you?"

"Oh hell no," Asuka snapped, sliding in beside him. She clipped her safety belt and crossed her arms over her chest. "Well?"

He flipped on the radio. "Let's ride."

_Is this the real life?_

_ Is this just fantasy? _

_ Caught in a landslide_

_ No escape from reality_

"Queen?" Asuka said as Shinji slowly pulled out into traffic.

"I love tinted windows," he said, waving at a passing police officer.

"Shinji? Have you done this before?"

"Not before today," he said truthfully.

_Mama, ooohooooh, didn't mean to make you cry,_

Asuka's hand flicked out and turned off the radio.

"I don't like that song," she said softly.

"That's okay," Shinji shrugged, accelerating onto the highway.

"Where are we going, anyway?"

"Where would you like to go?"

She considered it for a moment, looking out the windows. "Remember where we watched the stars after the blackout?"

"Sure," he said, putting on the turn signal before changing lanes.

"You're a better driver than Misato," Asuka said absently.

"Yes, Yes I am. I had a good teacher."

"What? Someone taught you to drive? Who?"

"It's a secret," Shinji said sheepishly.

"Uh-huh," Asuka said absently. She crossed her legs and sunk into the seat, letting her head rest against the seat. She closed her eyes for a minute.

"Shinji?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think Kaji is having a good time with Misato?"

"We're here," Shinji said, putting the car in park. He got out and walked to the overlook, breathing in the night air. It was a bit cooler, but not by much. At least the cicadas had finally shut up.

"You didn't answer me," Asuka said, following him.

"Oh, yeah, I hope they're having fun."

"Why? So you can have me all to yourself? You're jealous of Kaji, aren't you? You should be, he's…"

"I'm not jealous of Kaji," Shinji said earnestly, looking right into her eyes. "But I do want you all to myself. I don't want to be friends. I want your love, and I want your revenge. You and me could have a bad romance."

Her mouth fell open. "Do you mean that?"

"Yes. Absolutely."

"How long have you been working on that stupid line?"

"Oh, about a year."

"You've only known me about two months," she said sharply, narrowing her eyes.

"Oh," he said, "maybe it just felt that long."

"I don't know what to say," she said, hugging herself.

"Say what you want," he said. "I want you to be happy. That's more important than what I want. If you want me to take you home right now, I will. I want you to go to bed smiling tonight.

_Fuck,_ he thought to himself, here comes the slap, I can't believe I…

"Let's kiss," she said, taking a step towards him.

_Okay!_

"Wait," he said, "why?"

"What do you mean why? Why does it-"

"I don't want to kiss you if it's because you're bored, or because there's nothing better to do. The only way I want to kiss you is if _you_ want to kiss _me_ and _I _want to kiss _you." _

"Do you want to, you know, kiss me?"

"Yes. Yes I do."

"Then do it," she said. "Here I come."

He closed his eyes and leaned in, and felt her fingers on his nose.

"Your breathing tickles," she said, almost touching her lips to his, but not quite.

"Good," he said, and twined his fingers through hers. He put his arm around her and pulled her into an embrace while holding her other hand next to his head, gripping it tightly. She squeezed it back as her lips met his. Since this had all started, this had played out a dozen times, maybe more, he'd lost count. It was different this time. An electric shock went through his spine, and she must have felt it, too; her stomach muscles were fluttering against his. They started to sway, as if they were dancing, and only stopped to breathe. Shinji didn't even realize he'd heard the thunder until it started to rain.

"Huh," he said, breaking from her lips for a moment, "that's new."

"What, rain?" she said, confused. Her hair was already slicked against her head. A cool breeze blew in from the mountains, and Shinji relaxed, pulling her tighter against him.

"When I kiss you, everything is new."

She laughed. "How long were you saving that one?"

"I just made it up," he said, "honest."

**ZERO**

_Ti-i-i-ime is on my side, yes it is…_

Shinji's eyes flew open, tears straining at the corners. No. Not again. It's not fair. His mouth opened, and then a pale arm reached over his head and turned the alarm clock off. Asuka settled against him, smacking her lips. She didn't wake. He stared at her for a moment. He eyes blinked open slowly and she yawned.

"Is this real?"

"Oh, this is very real," Misato said, sliding the door to his bedroom open. "I am _very_ disappointed in both of you."

"M-Misato," Shinji said. He glanced at Asuka, watching him from where her head lay on his shoulder. His expression tightened. "That's right, I did it, I did it all. I stole your car."

Misato blinked. "Wait, what? I meant sleeping together. What did you do to my car?"

"I'll have you know that _sleeping_ is all we did," Asuka crossed her arms under the blanket. "I'm not some hussy like _you, _to give it up on the first date."

"Third date," Kaji corrected, appearing in the doorway.

"Hi, Mister Kaji," said Shinji.

"Hi, Shinji," Kaji grinned. "I need to borrow Misato for at least twenty minutes."

He slid the door closed.

"Well," Shinji said, "that was different."

Asuksa snuggled against his side. "Yep."

Shinji jumped when his phone rang. He sat up. An Angel attack. Great, that was all he… wait, that number…

"Hello?"

"Shinji?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Good work. I've had school cancelled for the day."

"Thank you, sir."

"Yes."

The line went dead.

"Who was that?" Asuka said.

"Nobody important," Shinji mused, tossing the phone into the pile with his school books and wet uniform.

"Hey," he grinned. "Want some eggs?"

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

This story basically sprung, fully formed, into my head last night, built around a few scenes and fleshed out from there. Normally I try to focus a lot on descriptions in my work, but I figured describing the same things, places and events over and over would get a tad repetitive. I also thought about including an epilogue/distant finale, but at four am my addled, sleep-deprived brain said "eh, I kept them up all night, I should let them fool around in private."

It made sense at the time. Doesn't everything?


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